Another sleepless night for the wicked

OK, I just want to start off by saying that in my life I have been subjected to the most awkward conversations in my life. I have also bared witness to some of the most asinine arguments yet, hearing the most ludicrous statements and their reasoning behind them are even more absurd. However, this one has got to be in my current top ten in terms of awkward as hell. These are one of the few stories to happen during my long hiatus in 2014. However, there was a bit of a reason why I chose to hold off on this story, simply because of the ridiculous subject matter. Honestly, this event has caused me to rethink a little bit on the human psyche and how easily people can be influenced. Though, in this case, it was not for money, but for a more practical use? Well, that is enough rambling from me, on to the story.

In the year 2014 possibly in the month of early October, or in the summer(this one had a bit of a timeline to it). It was around night time and I was on the phone having a very thought provoking conversation on sleep with my friend, Knucklehead. Honestly, the main reason I called him was because I was soooo bored, but what else is new? However, the secondary reason why I called was because I have a severe case of insomnia, which is the main reason that I stay up all hours of the night. While Knucklehead, on the other hand, puts himself under a strict sleep schedule, which usually ranges from 10:00-11:00pm(sometimes 12). Then there is me, where it usually takes till 1:00 or 2:00am just to remember how to sleep. So needless to say I have done quite a few all-nighters.

As I was explaining the issue to Knucklehead, we began listing possibilities. He tried telling me to stop taking daytime naps. This would be a good idea, but the problem lies with me. Every time I tried this it did succeed in making me tired, however for some reason when it gets to night time the drowsiness tends to disappear from me. I tend to think I’m like a vampire, BUT NOT LIKE TWILIGHT!!! If anything I would be more like Staz, from Blood Lad, for obvious reasons. Our Second option was a sedative, which was is kinda out of the question. Reason being I do not like the idea of artificially knocking myself out unattended, I’m a bit paranoid that way. That and I do not wish to become reliant on a drug, sue me.

While we are going through the options I could not help but wonder how my friend is able to stick to such a sleep schedule. So I asked him, to which he responded: “it’s not as easy as it sounds”. Knucklehead began explaining to me the difficulties of keeping his regiment. Most of the times he just tosses and turns trying to sleep. “So how do you fall asleep, then?” I asked curiously. “Sometimes I jack off” as he uttered these words, silence had befallen the conversation. In a somewhat dazed confusion, I respond with a “what?” He then repeats the phrase without a second thought. Slowly but surely I felt the hamster running on the cogwheel of my brain make an abrupt stop while I attempt to process this information. Noticing my apparent silence, he begins to explain to me how he came to this solution. Apparently, him being a very religious person he actually did research to see if this act would violate his pact with God. Long story short after he had a long conversation with his father, he came to the conclusion that masturbation does not go against his religion. Knucklehead actually went into detail as to how he went about doing this practice, which I won’t record on this(not even if you paid me).

In the midst of hearing these graphic details, I try to laugh off this absurd nonsense. Mind you, I am not condemning him or anyone that partakes in this, it is just that this character seemed a bit off with the usual Knucklehead I am familiar with. So while wrapped in thought, I bring this to his attention and ask “So what exactly spurred you to do this?” silence once again filled for some reason..until. “In hindsight, this is all because of you,” he said in a single breath. “Excuse me?! Is this your way of saying you use me as ‘Material’ to fap too?” I said, trying to make a joke of it, to which he did not find amusing…neither did I. So to sum up Knucklehead’s reasoning, it was my fault for bringing him into a world of sex, to begin with. Apparently whenever I tell him some of my adventures with the opposite sex it makes him more curious(read “The prattles of a Loser about love” for more info).

He concluded by saying his reason for this was more of an experiment and has given up the habit. Looks like Zone-tan will have to watch others fap. This is because when it comes to sex we are men of science. He does textbook research style on the matter, while I take a more direct approach for my research. The results are simple, Knucklehead is able to recall on what the bodily fluids during orgasms are made out of. However, I can easily deduce color a girl’s undergarment is wearing based on personality alone, and correctly guess as to her 3 sizes(though this skill still needs work). Needless to say that we refrained from talking for a while.

So after the conversation, it is safe to assume that I learned absolutely nothing useful in curing my insomnia. So I still go through my nights, even as I am typing this in the AM hours. It just goes to show how people can be influenced by those around them, even if it is not the influencers intention. In addition, to those of you wondering how often I “release my demons” so to speak. I will refrain from answering because trust me, you wouldn’t believe me anyway. In any case, I wonder how do you, the readers, go to sleep? I really am curious!! Do you guys agree with Knucklehead’s method or am I being too much of a prude? So many questions formulating under this sleepless night. And with that, I leave you with Good night and hopes of pleasant dreams. See you in the next entry.




  1. I’ll sacrifice myself first then 🙂 I have some chronic pain issues, and even when I’m not in pain my nervous system is still on a high active mode. This prevents sleep, amongst many other things which can lead to insomnia as well. Masturbation is one of the things that can get my brain into sleep mode, this was learned by accident many years ago on one of my years long bouts without sex at all lol.

    The first thing this post reminded me of was the 1973 movie Papillon with this quote: “And masturbate as little as possible, it drains the strength!” Advice for the person being sent into solitary confinement, it takes a good deal of energy.

    I’ve been having better luck these days, without it, as I have gotten healthier, lost 15kg, stopped all caffeine and sugar intake. Music helps me also. There are a number of other things that you can do to “trick” your central nervous system to go into a passive mode and be more conducive to sleep which I’m trying also. Do you by any chance have any old injuries causing pain or an issue getting your nervous system to go into the passive mode?

    Funnily enough there is one last thing I sometimes do with decent results, shut my eyes and roll my eyes upwards. I think they do that while sleeping anyway? Can’t remember what made me try this, but it does sometimes help!

    1. First of all, THANK YOU FOR COMMENTING!! Second I don’t really have any old injuries that keep me up. I usually try to read a book at night to help me pass out, which sometimes work depending on the book. I guess my nervous system is always on high active or something. Honestly I’m trying not to stay on my computer at night so much(with little sucess). But when I do I’m just tossing and turning the whole night. I doubt it’s my (physical) health since I keep it in check. I have been trying some lucid dreaming techniques like saying “1 im dreaming 2 etc”. Oh and eyes mostly move around during REM(random eye movement) sleep cycle so that might explain them rolling upward or something. However it does seem like something worth trying. Thank you for the advice and you comment

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