With Great Change….Comes Great Risk

Well, hello again my faithful viewers. First, I would like to thank you for your patience, I have been extremely busy lately(playing Elsword….). College finals and other important stuff(like playing Elsword). I did tell you guys that given my schedule I would really only have time for 1 entry a month. I mean it’s not like I’ve been obsessed Elsword like Yoshihiro Togashi is with Dragon Quest…(we’ll see). Especially by DiE and CrA ruling over PVP battling for supremacy(they can both die in a fire)….but I digress. The important thing is I’m here now to impart my tales to you. To start I have to ask, what exactly is change? Is it a sudden development, or a long-lasting struggle? When does change become bad or good? Well all know these questions are subjective, so there isn’t a definite answer. As I recall folks, in my declaration of war on 2015 and onward I had mentioned how the previous year(2014) was a time when certain things came to an end… Those endings somewhat defined certain aspects of my life, well…not really, to be honest. Ladies and Gentleman, I, Mr.X, will impart to you a tale of change and friendship and how two monsters reunited. So without further adieu, let the story begin!!!!

In the year 2011, I was a high school student, I believe it was my second year. My high school years weren’t really much to speak of considering I wasn’t a very sociable person(I’m still not). However despite that, I still managed to become one of the most popular and talked about students in the class. Believe me, it was never my intention to be on the receiving end of such attention. Because of this I gained a lot of (useless) fans, but not many (useful) friends. I believe the phrase, “It get’s lonely at the top”, is what probably fits here. However, I didn’t feel lonely at all. “I maybe a loner, but I never feel lonely” was generally my go to phrase when people bothered me about eating lunch by myself or not making a lot of friends. To be honest, that was the truth. Instead of searching for friends like most introverts try to do in a social setting such as school. I just went my own way not really caring for the masses. If you are wondering if something was psychologically wrong with me, well at the time the jury was still out on that case.

Don’t get me wrong it’s not like I hated people(entirely at the time). It’s more like they bored me, almost to the point of tears. As I stated before I became popular in high school, which to me wasn’t a very good thing. At the time I associated popularity to a drug that a lot of people tend to get hooked on always trying to compete with the masses for superficial attention. Which is why I never cared for it, even though my views may have slightly changed, to hell with it all. Now as to how I became the object of such attention is because of a number of things…So I’ll name a few: 1. I’m unusually quiet, so they suspected I was some type of killer or such nonsense. 2. My physical prowess in gym class(due to extensive training I will explain some other time). 3. I got into a fight and won(obviously). 4. I would always skip class and never get in trouble, while still maintaining a high grade. 5. Was classified as a perv or sexual deviant(may or may not have been my fault….). I can go on and on about these occurrences….and so I will..: 6. Got involved in a turf war(almost). 7. Wrote a poem to a girl I was interested in(do not ask). 8. Had multiple girls interested in me(a few tried to smack my ass..no kidding). 9. I’m usually seen reading manga(I am an OTAKU). 10. Lastly, I became the prom king… Please believe that this is not an exaggeration whatsoever, I am entirely serious. Not to mention that those were only the tip of the iceberg, but more to the point. One of the many friends that I have gotten there was one that had intrigued and confused me at the time.

 

On a bus ride home, I was busy chatting with my senior who was into to Pokemon like I was at the time. So we had many laughs about strategies and matches we won against each other(I would gloat). He was the first bus stop so our conversation was cut short and he left the bus. Too bad we only were friends for a year before he graduated. However my old senior isn’t the object of the story. “So X, you like Pokemon?” It was the guy that spoke to me after. “….Uh…yes I do, what about it?” And his name was… “My name is Hujag…and I play Pokemon white, which do you play?”  I didn’t know much about Hujag at the time, other that the fact that he existed. I would occasionally see him around school, and whenever I did, he was mostly in the background, quiet. We never had a single reason to talk to each other. Well, except that one time we had to group up in Spanish class, but we didn’t talk to each other much. So getting randomly approached by him made me a bit uncomfortable or surprised. “I play black version” I said plainly. Then the rest became history.

 

Hujag and I became friends rather quickly, in a sense. I found this to be a bit peculiar, so I asked Kuncklehead input on the situation. “It seems like you finally found someone you can relate too, sort of” As Kuncklehead said that I began to wonder whether or not it was true. It got to the point where people thought Hujag and I were brothers because of how similar we acted…on the outside. See our similarities were as such: both are quiet, have a very little friends(at the time), pretty observant(though I’m better at it). Now to explain the differences…to put it simply he was someone that tried to be a hero while I was/am an Anti-hero. So in essence, I was Hikigaya Hachiman/Oshino Meme while he was a Koyomi Araragi, except none of us had sisters. It was an interesting dynamic, but the as the years went on those differences became more pronounced.

 

Before we would have a conversation on how he came to me as a friend and why he did so. His answer was: “You seemed like a person I could get along with and I was trying to be more of myself” Allow me to elaborate so we don’t drone on and on about friendship(His actual explanation will bore you to tears). See before we became friends, Hujag was the typical blend in with the masses type of character. It was very generic and I honestly didn’t care that much, but he kept telling me anyways. To put simply he tried to blend in never showing his true personality out of fear of being judged, which explained why I always saw him with other background characters(whose names I didn’t bother to remember. His little camouflage  act came to an end once he heard of my many exploits and realized that I always did what I wanted with little care of the repercussions between me and the rest of the people. So basically he saw me as a bit of a kindred spirit…., I guess.

 

I have to say, having Hujag as a friend was pretty enjoyable. Since he was also a fellow Otaku/introvert we had similar views and our discussions were usually entertaining. From discussing and analyzing certain manga and anime such as Medaka Box, which was always a hot topic for us, to discussing about life in general(we tend to have conflicting views). It was to the point that when people heard us speaking, they never understood and would regard us as weird. However, neither of us cared, we were too busy enjoying our own little world. Honestly some of those debates deserve entries in themselves, but that was in the past. Let’s fast forward here, because honestly, way too much stuff happened in high school for me to divulge all the history and such in one entry alone. You have seen the list so it’s not a lie by any means.

 

Over the last 2 years after we graduated and Hujag and I were a bit friends…but it was a bit straining at times. For example, I mostly call my friends when I’m bored(mostly) and I usually do something of interest, and he would get somewhat annoyed about my lack of caring about almost anything. It got to a point that each time we would have to section off our topic while we were talking. I would always try to make it more interesting by psychologically teasing him a bit. At this stage in the game we had slightly more revamped roles Such as I was more of a monster of logic(shout out to Hikigaya), while he was a monster of emotions. I’d say we were both intelligent individuals in our own right. However our way of tackling certain problems were different. Hujag’s way would try to look for a happy ending, while my way was a way that to receive results. I cared very little about emotional problems and tackled thing in a more Sherlockian way. This was probably the root of our problem, our difference of opinions would usually clash. Don’t misunderstand, I respect Hujag’s opinion. I just couldn’t completely agree with it because of the many logical fallacies I would rout out. In his case he couldn’t deal with it very well on how kept my opposition so well(or obstinately). Thus leading to the final clash between us.

 

I believe it was on a Saturday night and Hujag and I had set up time to converse for the night about many things. So as we spoke we began talking about many menial topics. One argument we discussed was whether being polite was the same as being nice. Now my answer was an obvious “NO” but his answer was a “YES”. The reason I say no is because I am usually very polite and a well spoken Gentleman…BUT I am not nice. If you want a proper example of what I mean, be sure to watch those old English shows such as “Keeping up Appearances” or look at Marie from “Everybody loves Raymond”. It’s the condescension of people doing it that I was trying to explain to Hujag, but he wouldn’t accept it. Choosing to foolishly believe in humanity. It’s okay to believe in humanity if that is your cup of tea, BUT FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE DON’T BE NAIVE!!! As much faith as I have in humanity(which is zero) I try to make sure I am perfectly aware of our “necessary evil”. However, this does not mean I agree with it at all, but being naive can do more harm than good. *Ahem* Apologize for that slight digression.

 

In the midst of this knucklehead was calling me. So I did a three way call and we all decided to relax and talk…or try to. See this isn’t the first time I have pulled such a stunt, but this time there was more tension. Knucklehead would try to engage with Hujag in conversation, but almost to no avail. Half way through the call Hujag left us in silence while Knucklehead and I would speak, which was a bit rude. Then Hujag brought up a debate topic(which I can’t remember). However, I didn’t want to do it so I had nominated Knucklehead to argue in my stead. I thought it would be a lot more interesting to have them go at it that to have Knucklehead hear us banter, like we usually do. Hujag didn’t know how to respond to my sudden change, so sounding frustrated he decided to end the call and left. Knucklehead and I left confused at the matter which lead to Knucklehead’s iconic phrase “Can’t he go through one conversation without trying to be the main character!?” I immediately burst into an outcry of laughter, Because that my friend was so much closer to the truth than you could possibly imagine.

 

The next day early in the morning I received a call from Hujag. “Hi, sorry I know it’s early, but I think it’s time we put an end to this friendship”- Hujag 2014….. I wasn’t surprised about this, at the time I knew this day would come eventually, so I didn’t snivel and whine and just let it happen. However, I was curious as to the why? Now I am not about to tell you word for word exactly what he said because I couldn’t understand what he really meant. His explanation was a mixture of sophistry and supposition. The only thing I could say for certain is that because he constantly was trying to change himself and then there was me who almost never changes(for the most part anyway) it was a really conflicting issue. He tried to make himself more outgoing which was fine, but the way he went about it posed some serious risk to himself. In addition, when I tried to warn him of this he wouldn’t heed my warnings. It became to the point he would be jealous of people who were able to attain what he couldn’t. My guess was the ability to truly connect with people.

 

After hearing his explanation, I decided to leave him with one valuable lesson, and so I began. “Best to end this friendship my ass” I said as snide comment. “You’re just doing this for your own selfish reasons, since we aren’t after the same thing anymore”. I decided to play the role of Hannibal Lecter was purposely goading him on. Hujag was usually altruistic with his ideals, however the real lesson I tried to impart to him is that you can’t save everybody without helping yourself. No matter what if you can’t properly aid yourself, then you will just do more harm in attempting to help others. That naivety of his would be his downfall unless it was crushed(only slightly). “Yeah, so maybe I am being selfish, so what? If you aren’t willing to change why should I bother?” Hujag said firmly. There was a bit of silence…..but on my end, I had a sinister grin on my face. Because this was the first time he selfishly put his own desires before someone else he was starting to learn that not everything can work perfectly.

I took a deep breath and said “well this isn’t getting us anywhere, You won’t convince me and I can’t convince you, so…..have a nice life.” Then he returned the the farewell. That was one of the most sincere farewell I may have ever given to anyone. The term “Have a nice life” is usually taken sarcastically. However, I fully meant those words. I never hated Hujag even at that moment I still had a lot of respect for him as a fellow intellectual and moreover a person. So yes, I really did want him to have a nice life, one that he can enjoy without a sociopath(me) bringing him down. As soon as the phone call ended, I stood there for a full minute in the shadows while I looked at the window into the morning cloudy sky. I didn’t know how to exactly feel about this. I just kept gazing into the cloudy sky as if finding the answers to an unsolvable equation. In the midst of my thought I remembered a certain quote from Mycroft Holmes, which I said out loud as a way to console and reaffirm my answer. “ All lives end. All hearts are broken. Caring is not an advantage.” As I stated this, I went into my room. A few days later I explained the conclusion to Knucklehead, which for the life of him, he couldn’t understand, neither could I. All I could understand was that Hujag made a selfish decision for himself, and I couldn’t help but respect it. So it was best to just let him go, because With “Great Change” there will always be a “Great Risk”

 

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Several Months Later…………..

 

On April 19, 2015, I was in the middle of my daily training routine while listening to rock music till all of a sudden I got a random call from a number I’ve never seen before. So I proceeded to answer. “Hello?” I said awkwardly… “Hello X, this is Hujag, I called because I want to apologize for the way I was acting in the past and the way I just ended this friendship so haphazardly. So if you want, I hope we can be friends again.” ….. “What?” I was in a total state of disbelief. I mean, I did suspect in a sense he would try to come back and apologize, but I thought It would at least be a few years first. “So what’s your answer?” Hujag said a bit anxiously. “I’m sorry could you repeat what you said I’m having trouble understanding” I said still in a confused state of mind. “Ok then, To put it simply, I’m sorry I signed our divorce papers, will you marry me again?” Hujag said in our typical joking manner. “I don’t know, you really hurt me the last time.” I said in a girlish mocking voice. We both exchanged laughs as if nothing ever changed.

 

Apparently, after some soul searching Hujag came to the conclusion that the way he went about things. He realized how selfish he was being and called to formally apologize to me for his behavior in the past. He had always felt guilty about it to the point he never deleted my number on my phone in hopes he would apologize one day. “Honestly X, I’m surprised as to how quickly you warmed up to me again.” Hujag said. Honestly, the whole account never really bothered me at all after half a day I just went on as business as usual. Hujag would be the 2nd person in my entire life that formally ended the friendship. Normally people just stop talking to me and I continue to go about my business, and to me this was no different. So Hujag asked me again..”So, are we friends again?” I had no reason to refuse since I never hated him. So I laughed it off and said: “Welcome Back , Usopp!!”

 

That Ladies and Gentleman is the tale of how two monsters meet, separated, and reunited. How did you guys like this story I had to tell? What do you think of Hujag? Did you have an old friend you lost along the way throughout your life? Please feel free to let me know your opinions and personal experiences I’m always curious! I for one am a satisfied to receive my Bishop again. Honestly this whole account seems more like we took a mini vacation from each other. I apologize it took me so long to get this entry out for you, my loyal viewers, but between finals and other stuff going on I kind of had my hands full. However, I kept true to my word and supplied with at least one entry this month for April. I sincerely hope I have not disappointed anyone(well maybe not that much). In all seriousness folks, remember that with any change poses a risk to you and those around you. Because you can’t change and hope to maintain the status quo, it’s just not possible. You have to be ready to accept potential losses, but whatever you do, make sure you do it because you want to. Whether it is selfish or otherwise. Now that’s it for me folks, please feel free to share my work if you deem it worthy, and I will see you in the next entry.

 

 

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