Trying to Escape Wonderland Part 2

Be sure to read Part one here

Valentine’s Day

I’ll be brief about this day, nothing noteworthy happened. I was feeling fine a lot better than the past few days. I managed to chat up with few girls and such. However, I soon realized it was a very empty experience. Even Major was surprised how quickly I “recovered”. Of course, it did help that my brother had a more troublesome time than I did on Valentine’s day, but that’s for another time. I was mainly trying to distract myself thinking I was all good. Something similar to how you get a cold and when you get a little better you foolishly think you’re cured and go off trying to have fun. Only to realize that it wasn’t a simple cold but was actually the Flu. Which proceeds to kick your ass the next day for you misguided decision. Despite, the momentary bliss I felt at the time, I knew it wasn’t going to last.

February 15th, 2017

The Ultimatum

Honestly, if people are still reading this story at this point you have my humble appreciation for sticking this long. Though, you may wish to get a drink or a snack at this point. We are not that far off from the ending, but still, some further exposition to go through. For example, during this day, I went through my day normally, except this time. I didn’t hang out with Usagi at all. Pretty spent the day by myself and I was immensely bored. “Gosh, this is boring.” I couldn’t tell if I was still reeling from boredom or the lack of having Usagi around or both. I was in the library at the time trying to kill time in solitary. Between updating my blog and trying to write about this story you’re reading right now. I kept staring at the ceiling feeling empty and apathetic like something was missing. Of course, I knew what that something was, but I had to get used to thing missing. Great, I’m starting to miss that rabbit. Nightfall soon came and I was getting ready to leave the library. Until I noticed a group of kids walking past me going to the elevator. Weird, I thought to myself while trying to figure out why a group of kids were wandering around the library at this time of night. I was heading toward the door to leave but I stopped in my tracks. My curiosity kicked in for some reason, and I found myself looking at the elevator. Fourth floor, huh? So, I walked all the way to the fourth floor to see what was up. Arriving there, I saw even more kids gathering to one room. As I walked around to see how many kids were on the fourth floor. In the midst of my searching, guess who I happen run across. I walked around and saw a familiar silhouette, she turned around and we saw each other. It was none other than Usagi, herself. The god of random encounters should just explode.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!” I asked an exaggerated way.

“Well, I have a test tomorrow so, I am studying.” Usagi said normally.

I already knew she was studying, I took one glance at her desk and noticed a lot of books and a notebook filled with PowerPoints. Her studying was obvious, what I wanted to know was WHY WAS SHE HERE SPECIFICALLY WHEN I WAS NOT LOOKING FOR HER!! I felt like I was being set up for some practical joke. Like fate was determined to make me it’s plaything dealing with every twist and turns they throw at me. Meanwhile, my brother’s words echoing in my head. If you really care just tell her. “Tch…” I was getting aggravated at just the thought. However, I grabbed a seat ahead of Usagi. I had no idea what I was about to do but at the end of the day, I usually do whatever I want. I’m going to get to the main point of this conversation. I asked her how she liked the poem. However, her response was confusing, she said she like it but there was something else to it. I didn’t understand what she meant. Turns out she didn’t understand why I wrote such a thing for her? I was confused as my entire reasons for why is clearly written in black and white. What exactly was it that she couldn’t understand?

“X, why did you write such a letter?” she asked.

My brain reeling but I eventually gave up, “Because, I like you.” And told the truth.

“This is so confusing and sudden…” Usagi no longer looked at me and continued.

“Every time, I asked you before. You would always ignore more questions saying your feelings don’t matter.” I did say that, but the reason I told her that was because all those times she stated in past how she had no interest in relationships in the past. So, I knew if I started to really like her it would be a nuisance to both parties. Mostly me as this would just have been a repeat of a constant failure. Usagi continued, “And now suddenly you write that letter after so long…why?”

This was the first genuine smirk I had on my face for a while. “Just like the poem said, I’m a stubborn idiot.” I laughed, stood up and continued, “No matter how slim the chances of success are, I, like an idiot, still have to try to go for a good ending. It never was for me to give up on things that I value.” I paused then pointed at her, “Like I said Rabbit, ‘Until I make my feelings clear, I’m afraid I won’t be satisfied’” So after I finished my exposition, Usagi merely looked me and asked me, “So where do we go from here?”  I was confused as to what that question meant. Well, this is usually the part where the couple rides off into the sunset on a white horse. Obviously, I knew how ridiculous that thought was, but I needed something nonsensical to get me out of this trifling situation.

“So, do we remain friends or we go separate ways?” Thanks to Usagi’s ultimatum pulling me back into reality. As I thought about both options I tried to trick Usagi, into telling me about that mystery guy she was talking to. She didn’t even budge, refusing to tell me the smallest detail. Scratching my head to make a decision, I decided to flip a coin to decide the outcome. When I flipped the coin and caught it, I became strikingly aware of the reality of the situation. I can’t choose!!! I was stuck, no matter what my decision is, I still lose in the end. I continue to be her friend, I will still get strung along while still struggling to move on. However, if I don’t, I’ll grow bored without being able to hang around with (one of) my close friend. Either way, I’d lose something and Usagi would be gone no matter what decision I made.

“I give up…” I said solemnly. I put the coin in my pocket not even bothering to see the outcome of the flip. I just walked away, abandoning my decision to choose, the problem was choice. As I walked away, Usagi tried to stop me asking for my decision. I merely waved at her from behind saying, “I made my decision a long time ago” and returned to my room. By the way, the reason for the kids being at the library was for some math placement competition, which I found ironic.

Days went by and I thought nothing much of the situation besides how much of a pain it will be to record this whole incident. Meanwhile, part of me was still trying to make a decision. Because, whenever I fail at these endeavors, my usual modus operandi is to make myself scarce and disappearing and going on with my life. Solve a case, go on an adventure, or go on a go karting escapade on a football field with Major (true story). However, part of me was trying to see if I could maintain the status quo with Usagi. Despite this whole entire story arc, I did appreciate her as a friend first. Though, the problem was me. I was stuck wondering whether or not I could continue being her friend without any lingering feelings clouding my judgment. Such a tough decision…

February 21st, 2017

The Voice of Reason

It was a typical day for me nothing much really happened. I woke up late, but I didn’t really have anywhere to go. So, I decided to waste time in the library again like per usual. Personally, I didn’t have a reason to go there just to enjoy myself kill some time. However, I decided to go all the way to the top of the library and walked down the floors. I did this because the first floor was a bit too noisy at the time and working my way down was a good way to find a good spot to either sleep or get work done. Though truthfully, I had no intention of doing either. By the time I got to the 3rd floor… I saw an unexpected visitor. To be clear, the person I saw was NOT Usagi, but it was also someone that could give me a headache. As kids, we always have those few adults we enjoyed talking to and hanging out with besides our parents. For some, it’s other family members, role models. “Why, hello there Mr. X.” the guy said filled with frivolity. For me, it was an old teacher of mine. “You always seem to show up when I’m in a crisis, Mr. Morals.” I said this with a wry smile. Mr. Morals is my old teacher, and whenever I had a problem or an idea, he would always humor me and listen to my struggles. The fact I mention how he shows up when I am in a crisis is no exaggeration. When, I was first going through an issue involving a few people, like a prophet of sorts he would randomly appear willing to offer his wisdom. Like how Araragi Koyomi has Oshino Meme.

“So, what’s bothering you this time?” Mr. Morals asked.

So, I told him the long story of what happened to that current moment to how I was struggling with the choice. From Major going to transfer somewhere else ( a story for another time), to possibly losing another friend in Usagi. He heard my story earnestly as he drank coffee. After I finished my tale he looked at me and gave it to me straight.

“Ok, first of all, what idiot decides whether or not to be friends with someone through a coin toss? Secondly, it seems like entire scheme was doomed to fail from the beginning.”

“ehehehehe” I had no choice but to laugh innocently as he was spot on.

“If this girl was to move away, how would you feel?” My teacher asked me.

I paused and thought about the question then answered, “I would probably be a bit sad at losing my friend…”

Mr. Moral gave me a stern look and said, “Are you sure you actually like this girl? Or the idea of her?” “Huh, what do you mean?” The sudden question surprised me.

“Because you seem to have a selfish stance towards her.” I was confused what he meant.

“How? I’m usually the one helping her out most of the time. I’ve never really done anything to her.” I stated. Mr. Moral put his coffee down and began to speak, “Then why is it after you failed in your attempts you only thought about leaving the friendship?” I stayed silent in thought as he continued. “The real nail in the coffin is the fact that when I asked you the previous question, you immediately said you’d be sad. Yet you didn’t mention how you would be happy for them.”

I was quiet for a while lost in thought, Did I really hang around her for a selfish reason?

“Maybe you wanted to feel better about yourself?” My teacher continued. I drew the line there, I may have initially become friends with her for a selfish reason, but to feel better about myself? She was a pain in my ass since we met, the only thing that changed was the I started to like having her around. I admit, I may have grown too fond of her, but the fact remained that she was an irreplaceable friend.

“Just because I would be sad doesn’t mean I would be happy for them. What person would EVER be happy about losing their friend, regardless of the reason.” I stated.

“That’s true but you still prioritized your sadness over being happy for them.”

“Because I enjoy being with them, is that a problem? Why is one option more acceptable than the other? At the end of the day, you’re potentially losing someone you care about. There has to be some middle ground.” I was a little annoyed that I was being judged for caring and in response.

“So, you’re saying despite feeling sad, you would still try to happy for your friend?” my teacher asked and without thinking, I said, “Yeah, I would do the best I can.”

The moment those words left my mouth I realized something, I was tricked!!! Mr. Moral was smiling innocently, as I glared at him.

“You set me up…” Mr. Moral basically ignored my accusation and said plainly, “I think you should remain friends with this girl as it seems to be good for you.”

“You couldn’t have just said that?”

“X, even though I am no longer your teacher, my job has always been to challenge you.”

The conversation went on a bit longer, but my teacher basically concluded that while maintaining my friendship with Usagi I should try to make some more friends. My list of actual friends is pretty thin and it didn’t help that Major was transferring to a different location in the next year. Mr. Morals basically gave a list of things I had to do: 1. Socialize with people more. 2. Join more clubs. Lastly, 3. Try to be more understanding of your friends. I showed a little disdain towards the first 2 things but the got treated to, “Look, I know this may be hard for you, but I sure Mr. X can spend some time making friends when not solving a case.” I grunted but I agreed.

The last piece of advice Mr. Morals gave was something he has always told since we met, “Not everything is an intellectual exercise, so don’t think about it too much.”

Honestly, there was a bit more to the conversation, but that covers the important parts of what went on. Which leads us to the final day.

February 22nd, 2017

Almost like nothing happened

Woke up and went to class, all while a bit scared and concerned about how Usagi might’ve taken me ignoring her for so long or how all the crap that happened. My concern was strengthened when I realized after class she just disappeared. We normally go and hang out with each other after class but after recent events happened it was not a surprise why that was no longer the case. I knew she was going to be, but I was still concerned. What if she is upset, should I apologize, maybe this is a waste of time. Lost in my thoughts I remember his Mr. Morals advice, don’t think about it too much. Therefore, I stopped thinking. When I found Usagi, gave a nervous hello. True to form, Usagi merely waves and says, “What’s up?” in her usual fashion. The usual attitude never ceased to make me feel stupid about feeling concerned… That being said, I merely laughed to myself, “Nothing much Rabbit, how’d your test go?” and with that, we continued as if nothing even happened.

Well, Ladies and Gentlemen, that is my story involving my romantic misadventure with Usagi. Personally, I wish things went differently but it is what it is. I chose to take the high road, though I really needed an extra push to make that decision. So, this is PART of the reason for my long hiatus folks. There are still some loose ends and unanswered questions in this whole story. Believe, the story is far from over. However, for now, this end to the first chapter of this story. I would just like to thank anyone that has bothered to read this story all the way through. I ask that you please like and comment to show some appreciation for the story. I’d really appreciate it a lot, especially the time it takes to make such a long story. I have been gone for a long time but I’ll try to make up for it. Honestly, if you wish to support me I have a donation tab on the blog incase you wish to help out in that way. You are not obligated to do so if you don’t want to. However, if you wish to help me out without donating, I ask that you check out my other blog here.  There isn’t much to it yet, but I’ll make sure to put interesting stuff on there(hopefully). Ask for this story I tried to make it as dramatic and interesting as possible, so hopefully, a good amount of you won’t be bored with the long read. In terms of the story itself, I tried to summarize the most important parts of the story. Leaving out unnecessary details, but I think it worked out well. Moral of this story, I guess is, never write a poem for a girl, as it doesn’t work. Oh, and never stop to consider others before yourself, sometimes. I wonder how many people that read this story will just this is coming from a loser’s perspective? They wouldn’t exactly be wrong but oh well. Ask for the stuffed animal, my mother now owns it and loves. Well, for now, that’s it for me folks, stay tuned for my next adventure where I discuss A NEW CHALLENGER!!! Until then my lovely readers feel free to share my work and I shall SEE YOU IN THE NEXT ENTRY!



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